I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
