Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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