those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
