last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
