I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.