so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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