he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight