I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.