So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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