A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
