Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
