dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
