We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize