just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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