I got chris browned last night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
