I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
