The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize