oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
