You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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