My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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