The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
