I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
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Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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