What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
