she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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