9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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