end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize