I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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