Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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