I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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