nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
