She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
where does the pee come out of this thing
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
