you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
