The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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