The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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