this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
