Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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