Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
