I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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