It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
