I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
