If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
