yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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