Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
