why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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