So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
