More tranny stories later!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
