I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
