May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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