I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
