I hate all girls vehemently.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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