so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
