Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
