Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
