Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize