i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
