shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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