community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
