batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
