I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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