Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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