i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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