a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
