So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
