i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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