I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
