Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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