Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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