so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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