is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
