I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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