why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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